Martial Arts Blogs A Journey to Shodan: I'm in control...kind of.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

I'm in control...kind of.

One of the many things I enjoy about Karate is that by nature, it is an individual sport. I have a choice in how far I take my training, and how fast or slow I progress. If I choose to stay late and continue training after class has ended I personally benefit. If for some reason I choose to not give 100%, I am the only one affected by my actions.

For a sport that I love so much, sadly there are some things about it that do not appeal to me, and ‘performing’ in front of a group tops the list, in fact, I feel so strongly about it, that it takes the top five places on that list. My friends would find this ironic, because I am someone who has spent a great deal of time on stage performing: acting, improvising and singing. After a few minutes, the audience disappears and it’s just me out there, but for reasons I cannot explain, Karate is different. When asked to stand in front of the class and ‘perform’, I unravel. I really do not like all eyes on me, watching my every move. Maybe the belt I wear puts pressure on me to prove that I have earned my rank, or maybe it is that I don’t want to let my instructors down because they have spent so much time working with me; if I make mistakes it appears that I haven’t been paying attention or taken my training seriously.  
One thing I do know:
On the spot + Karen = a performance I surely will not be proud of.
Stop looking at me and I'll do just fine. Really. I will.

Perhaps over time this will change, but so far, no such luck. It is part of who I am.
It's actually a wonder I've made it through any promotions at all with such a thorn in my side.

3 comments:

  1. Karen, I too had or rather still have this same issue. My philosophy is to keep putting myself "out there", as tough as it is. I don't know if it gets any easier, what I do know is that the more I "perform" the more I find a peace within myself to stay focused. The reason it is difficult for me is because every time I "perform" I am being judged which then turns into self judgement. All part of the learning growth process. You train well, it pays off.

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  2. Practicing Karate without allowing internal or external distraction is a very long journey. It may help to think of it as testing yourself while helping those that are watching learn to see what they see. Enjoy the Journey.......Sensei Cathy Quinn

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  3. Thank you Sensei Cathy, I appreciate your comment.
    It is a very frustrating stumbling block for me, so perhaps a change in mindset is in order - starting on Thursday night if put on the spot I will be testing myself. Fingers crossed that I pass!

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